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Rock3 (Monday, 07 May 2018 06:21)

What's up, where I'm at today , accepting the siuation for exactly what it is... it can be hard to do... but you cannot change circumstances, sitiuations, or people, stop trying... the energy you waste can be detrimental to your recovery... . Accept that whatever your dealing with is exactly how its supposse to be... either it lesson , to make you stronger , or God has another purpose. .
You can change your perception and attitude and focus... that is where you should put your efforts and that will lead to a healthy mindset. And put you in the right state of mind to deal with whatever problem comes your way. ..
We all deal with some sort of tragedy, problem , crisis.. it is how you choose to act , is what will allow you to work through it...
All addicts want instant relief,,, but in reality it will not solve a problem... it will only make it worse ,
When you have that urge to use ,, to solve your problems,,, walk yourself tbrough consequences that will occur.. it may save your life... that is one method I use today when things seem insurmoutable...
Remember your not alone... help is out there...

Rock3 (Wednesday, 02 May 2018 22:46)

What's up Cc. Prayer is a big tool I use... when thoughts of negativity arise ... I thank God for all the things I have to be grateful for..
And that he has given me the strength to stay sober. And to push-on and improve my quality of life...
The past is the past cannot change it all I can do is learn from my mistakes and live in the present for a better tomorrow. ..
I live in positive thoughts. .
Attitude of gratitude is my motto today... things could always be worse... And having faith in the lord you will never truly be alone... any more guestions or comments be happy to answer..

CC (Wednesday, 25 April 2018 07:08)

Great message ROCK3! How do you get used to being alone? I agree that all of us need to feel comfortable in our own skin. What do you do when the thoughts of shame over things you've lost or things you didn't do comes over you? Being alone that's when those invading thoughts seem to pop up. What then??

Rock3 (Wednesday, 25 April 2018 02:21)

What's up,, recovery is about finding yourself, , learning to cope with life without the use of a mind altering substance.....
I've realized being in relationship is also mind altering for me, the sense of security, be needed, loved, is something my body craves... but I'm reality the only one that can make me happy is me myself. .. but I search for that feeling through a relationship with another female... but that can only sastisfy momentarily.. I need to be comfortable by myself . Be comfortable in my own skin.. develop a relationship with god.. then being lonely will never be an issue.. strengthen who I am as a person.. learn to be comfortable alone...

Rock 3 (Monday, 23 April 2018 07:15)

Whats up.. focus is back on recovery.. eliminated a part time job... it was becoming to hard to balance my time.. finances are important, but I'm the end I will have no finances if recovery is not first and I'm not sober..
Everything than I can achieve depends on my sobriety.. if I concentrate on one area of my life... I have come to the realization that it will all fall apart... I am nothing , achieve nothing if I am not sober. ...
Balance my priorities must be how I live today...
Meetings,prayer, family, exercise and work all must fit into my schedule. ..
Complete me as a person.. and keep my focus even and balanced...strive each day to do the right thing.. have patient in one day at a time , not everything I want can happen today.. 33yrs as a drunk and it took that long to lose everything...
So I take peace in living sober ... and doing the right thing each day ... trust in God that where I'm at today .. and is where I should be and be grateful for all that I have...

Rock 3 (Tuesday, 17 April 2018 15:47)

Whats,up,,, I recently lost focus in my recovery. ... working too much played a part in it... and not working on myself lead me astray...
Thier needs to be balance in your life. And recovery must come first...
I will continue to write on the importance of focus... stay tuned. And by no means am I an expert in recovery ... I'm struggling everyday.. recovery is hard... I'm just sharing my story in hopes others can relate, and maybe help someone through thier struggles. .. it's truly a day at a time...!!... moment by moment..

Rock3a (Thursday, 12 April 2018 18:30)

Whats up, I find in recovery that losing focus can be easy, and sneak up on you..
Recently I have put all my energy into work... Money being my focus, consuming my thoughts .,I want everything back I lost, and i want it now..
Working long hours and having time for nothing else... Forgetting to do the work that ultimately keeps me sober.. not working on me ,pushing so hard physically only focusing on work, neglecting all other aspects of recovery..
A recipe for burnout, and final destination relapse...
BALANCE IS THE KEY... with help from friends , sponsor , support group, and through prayer , I was able reconize the signs and refocus.. reevaluate the importance of balancing my time properly .. I must work on all phases of recovery and keep it balanced..
Recovery comes first without that there will be nothing...

Rock 3.. (Thursday, 12 April 2018 15:49)

My consequences became so great... losing everything.. job,car, significant other, selfrespect, residence, that I had no other place to turn but to God...
For some the lowest point is the only way , that gives you the courage to make the change...
I was finally tired of being sick and tired... I prayed for the strength to seek help...
I got inpatient treatment , sought help from others... and turned my life over to God...
The pain of living with my guilt and shame of my addiction has been lifted... Hope has been restored in my life due to the grace of God...
Taking comfort,, I have hit my lowest point in life , the only place to go is up from here on out.. nothing to lose ,, for I have lost it all..
Change your perspective turn the negative into a positive. .. stay humble and grateful for what you do have... and live every day making improvements and doing the next right thing...

Rock 3 (Tuesday, 10 April 2018 16:18)

Progression of my addiction was the ultimate factor.. I had always wanted to get sober in the last 15 yrs.... but never had the courage to face life on life's terms without having a substance involved. .. it was alway easier to numb the pain and forget about my problems by swimming in alcohol.
But I'm reality the next day you open your eyes.. to your sober surroundings the problem is still there and most likely worse. .
I had to get brutally honest with myself and start facing my fears...
I didn't want to grow up, become a man... always looking for an easy way out. Blaming others and everyone else around me for the siuation I created. .
That was easier for me to exist and justify my actions. Instead of accepting the truth of What i become..
If I didn't have to think it would all be alright...
But the pain of addiction , and the reality of my failures starting becoming to overwhelming ... it was either die , or face that changes needed to be made... consequences started to become more often and of greater importance .To be continued.. any questions or concerns..odlijeto hear from you.

counselor (Thursday, 22 March 2018 14:55)

Ok so I have a new question....What moves a person from pre-contemplation to contemplation to acting?? What happened with you? What were your thoughts?? How did the progression happen and in what time frame??

Rock3 (Thursday, 01 March 2018 07:36)

And the stress even greater...
Consequences for me is,what finally broke that vicious cycle... it have Bevan understanding to search for a better quality of life...
Taking it one day at a time .. doing the next right thing... remaining patient to achieve your goals...

Rock3 (Thursday, 01 March 2018)

What's up.... One day at a time .... I hated this saying... I could never grasp the concept.... it baffled me , the patience needed toconvinxe yourself that today was all you had , in reality has me stagnant in fear.. bc all I did today was pick up another bottle ,and drown my fear, guilt , and shame away...
This is exactly where addiction wants you.. distorted thinking , making you believe life is hopeless, worthless, a dead end ,then it can consume your every thought and claim another victim..
When does enough become enough....
The state of mind where life is no longer worth living..
Bills piling up..
Relationships ruined..
Employment troubles. .
Legal problems..
Loss of house..
Divorce...
Financial hardships.
The list can go on and on.... .. Stop and think is that a good plan of living life a day at a time... ,
Choosing to do the wrong thing ,, bc of fear of doing the right thing.... constantly sabotaging your day to make the problem bigger and the,worry

Rock3 (Tuesday, 27 February 2018 06:51)

What's up, changing the ppl in your life is a key to recovery... you cannot continue to hang with old friends, old hangouts, and continue your bad habits of the past...
Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is insanity..
Going to AA was the first way I began to meet new people good influences in my life... having the courage to meet new ppl in recovery is crucial to success of my recovery... developing relationships with ppl with sobriety, taking suggestions and following direction from ppl with time in sobriety makes the process of sobriety easier bc sobriety long term cannot be achieved alone..
I also attend church where I learn the the word of God .. experience fellowship in prayer and the unconditional love of the lord... two positive ways to change your surroundings and the people in your life. Break aawy from your bad influences of the past , and search for positive ppl , and estabishments in search of of a better quality of life..
attending a gym making health a priority in your life also contributes to making new positive friends in your life...

counselor (Monday, 26 February 2018 20:33)

How do you change the people in your life? They are your friends and your family. I know you need to change the people, places and things to stay sober but how does anybody do that??

Rock3 (Saturday, 17 February 2018 06:11)

What's up, at some point in recovery you must start to have the courage to try things and do things you are uncomfortable with.. you must steer away from your comfort zone.
It is the only way to start growing and learn a new way of life.. listen and take suggestions from the people you have placed in your life ,, that support your sobriety.. be willing and open to follow direction... bc your self-will, is your demise...
Placing your will in the hands of God is a step necessary to take . Get comfortable with God's will not yours .. pray for his guidance and to reveal his purpose for you... maintain and stay vigilant towards you purpose and goals you have set. ... remaining in this process, this mindset , steers you farther and farther from a drink each day.... The thought of a drink becomes less and less important as you focus on your goals...

Rock3 (Monday, 12 February 2018 06:17)

What's up , good question. . In recovery you must change ppl, places and things. . Develop new relationships and attending AA meetings opens the door to meeting new ppl and participate in activities..
For me I've become very active in working out this keeps my mind sound , and physically feeling good..
I also stay after meetings and help cleanup, and then go out to eat with a bunch of ppl from the meeting...
And now that I'm not spending my time drinking.. I've open up time for new goals.. school will soon become a part of my routine..
I enjoy a'll sorts of activities such as bowling, camping, hiking, taking walks , reading,, going to the movies, it opens your world up to so much more ... it allows you to enjoy life and see the beauty of it...
You can have fun in sobriety , its a matter of changing your mindset.. getting rid of toxic people , and replacing them with positive surroundings , productive people, and spending time in pursuit of your goals... having these things in your life you will find little thought of a drink...
Anyone have comments , or need advice feel free to comment. .

Counselor (Friday, 09 February 2018 14:47)

Great message Rock3. I have a question for you....where do you go now for fun instead of going to the places you used to drink? Often people say, I lost all my friends when I quit and now I don't know what to do. Can you help?

Rock3 (Monday, 05 February 2018 09:17)

Then prayer... then immediately thank god for what i have today... Gratitude can release you from the problem immediately... it's a day at a time... stick to the plan , remain humble, remain , grateful... pursue your goals vigoursly, and a thought of a drink or drug should be a fading tbought, not even an option... feel free to make comments on the blog... help is out there..

Rock3 (Monday, 05 February 2018 09:06)

What's up,,,, sticking to your plan.... not everything in recovery is going to go as you expect. ...
I find the longer in recovery in the first year it gets harder but if I persevere I get stronger...
I struggle with wanting my goals to be met today... I want everything now.. I spent 33 years drinking... I can't expect eerything now...
When I get down , today my first thought is ,, Does drinking solve anything??

Rock3 (Thursday, 01 February 2018 08:34)

Deal with the problem ,and the pain, and stop making excuses... find out the solution and keep moving forward. .. itsabout your happiness ,,, remaining stuck in the problem will only destroy u....

Rock3 (Thursday, 01 February 2018 08:26)

Whats up. .... Taking responsibility in recovery. .. First step really accepting you are an alcoholic and begin not to live in the problem but the solution.... concentrating, on the solution , if committed , working tenanaciously ,,consumed with working towards your goals and becoming a better person in all aspects of life... in reality you will probaly not even have thought it or compulsion to drink...
Your life is now about changing ideas, behaviors, relationships, and remaining open and value new opinions that you were once blind too....
Being willing to assume responsibility, and not focus on the cause of the problem enables you to move forward to a resolution. .. rather then remaining stagnant and stuck delaying growth and progress. ..
For me 33 years I blamed others, the system , and made excuses to justify my actions.. Fearing to take a look at the root of the problem.. WHICH WAS ME!
TODAY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND CHOOSE TO TAKE ACTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR BRHAVIOR....

Rock3 (Wednesday, 31 January 2018 07:29)

What's up,, CHANGE, , IN RECOVERY I must change everything. ... you must create a new lifestyle... new relationships, throw your old habits away....
The people in your life in your addiction were there to feed your addiction. . Today you need to surrounds your self with positive people, positive surroundings. ... siuations that promote self growth, advancement and productivity in life..
Create a schedule to live by and follow tenaciously in order to achieve your goals... put on paper things you want in life pbysically, finacially career, family , fun, spirutualy and emotionally. Develop a plan to obtain these goals..
If should something should be detrimental standing in your way to reach your destination, take a step back and reevaluate... failure is always part of the procedure leading to success. .. View it as a learning experience and move on...
Today I'm grateful to be sober and some days that may be all i have ,, but take comfort in doing the right thing daily, and place my trust in God bc he it's driving the bus today I'm no longer at the wheel.. Because my way was always the wrong way..

Rock3 (Tuesday, 30 January 2018 14:27)

Whats up,,, I'm recovery I've been practicing prayer, developing a relationship with God... I pray for guidance and to direct me to my purpose in life...
To achieve this destination I must be open and willing to do the work that is required in recovery.. as I grow closer to God ,, I must be open to new experiences and new people God has placed in my life...
I must take direction from these people he has placed in my life and pay attention to tbe signs directing me on a better path. .. Because I believe this is God's way of relaying his message and his path for me... I will trust in him to guide me in my daily tasks, directing me to a higher purpose.. maintaining this belief has given me a sense of peace and serenity ive never known

Counselor (Monday, 29 January 2018 13:49)

Hey ROCK3! I have been following your blog over the last few weeks and you are definitely on the right track! New beginnings, using tools, reaching out, genuinely connecting with others, not taking things for granted, prayer and not taking things to seriously are ALL great ways to have a successful recovery!

I enjoy the personal success stories the best. You are raw and honest. We need to hear more of that. If you are reading this blog, this guy is the real deal!

Let's see if more people will join in....

Rock3 (Monday, 29 January 2018 07:11)

Whats up,,,, Tools of recovery.... In addiction i had one tool that was the BOTTLE.. TODAY THAT IS DIFFERENT FOR ME..... the longer I am in recovery , I realize how important these coping skills are and to practice these tools and suggestions and directions of people , such as mentors, clergy men, sponsors, and especially developing your relationship and faith in God.. ..
Recently I have had problems that in the past would of solved by drinking...
But the longer I'm sober , it is not my first reaction today. .. that is important progress in my recovery... .. If you practice anything long enough , it will bec habit.. a key component to my recovery..
Today when problems arise... the first tool I use is self- talk... .
I remind myself that drinking has destroyed my relationships, and my self esteem and taken everything away from me.. resorting to the bottle can solve nothing ,, and only leads to a path of destruction. ...
Next is pray... praying that god is in charge and he will lead me to a solution.. and it is his will not mine... he will place people and answers in my life so I handle situations appropriately today.
Next I talk about it with a person that God has placed in my life due to seeking out help in recovery. .. make phone calls, seek the help God has placed before me...
Having these conversations. Are of great benefit. You may find out your not the only one with these problems... and find a healthy approach to solving these matters .. which in the past a drink was the only solution....
Today I take these tools seriously. . Because for me it is my lifeline.. the choice between life or death.. feel free to comment or ask questions..

Rock3 (Saturday, 27 January 2018 18:13)

The siuation correctly.... at times we need to be the bigger person and look for the solution.. rather than make the issue bigger than it has to be..
Today I pray for the ability to be patient. And deal with siuation responsible. .. any questions or comments I like to hear fromyou..

Rock3 (Saturday, 27 January 2018 18:07)

What's up...... there are definitely had days in sobriety. But it dies not have to lead to a drink ... Drinking only intensifies the problem, but I'm my active addiction. It was very difficult to see the connection., or were not willing to stop for it was the only tool we had to relieve the pain..
Recently I have been experiencing bad days... but immediately the answer is prayer, and today I accept that alcohol can no longer solve my problems... alcohol today no longer has the power it once had...
But I must continue to work on my character defects to remain sober and at peace with myself...
I find the pros closest to me are the ones that can disturb that peace ..
If they act differently then I expected my reaction can be frustration and cause me to reaact in a manner not appropriate. . I do not like to feel angry and return raise my voice and say something I regret. ..
Emotions can take control and cause damage that is not necessary..
I pray for the ability today not to react immediately., to have the ability to think and,process

Rock3 (Monday, 15 January 2018 10:05)

What up,,,, recently I've been involved in discussions with addiction is a disease or choice.. I HONESTLY DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR OPINION IS.... But I do know this I DO CARE FOR ALL THOSE THAT SUFFER ADDICTION !!!! ANYONE THAT FEELS THE PAIN OF ADDICTION THERE IS HELP OUT THERE.. TAP ON THE BLOG , SHARE THE BLOG . HELP IS A TAP AWAY.. DO NOT LET ADDICTION RULE YOUR LIFE IT CAN BE OVERCOME.. Have the courage to fight..... REACH OUT. IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE OR ANOTHER'S LIFE!!!

Rock3 (Sunday, 14 January 2018)

What up ppl!, RESTLESS , BEST DESCRIBE FOR ME LIKE CRAWLING OUT OF MY OWN SKIN...
Recently in recovery I could feel the onset of this overwhelming feeling... which in addiction is how i always felt leading to drinking everytime as the solutuon.
My uncomfortability with oneself in addiction was my onsant guilt and shame of my past failures... And realizing I was nothing but a drunk, RUINING ANYTHING GOOD THAT EVERY HAPPENED TO ME.... I HATED MYSELF , MY BEHAVIOR, MY ACTIONS, MY DECISIONS., SO THE SOLUTION WAS TO STAY DRUNK TO FORGET MY VERY EXISTENCE...
In Recovery the idea is to focus on the solution to change these character flaws and distorted thinking. .. to Reconixe a feeling for what it is , sit in it , accept it , and realize that a bad day , or feeling is no reason to drink... WE ALL HAVE THEM , DEAL WITH IT PROPERLY , THEN MOVE FORWARD..
Expectations I have set for myself in Recovery has brought these feelings of restlessness back to me.... I identified it prayed on it, talk with others about it, used self-talk all the tools suggested we use. It subsided without the use of a drink... coping skills do work!!
Expectations premeditated can lead to resentment, and restlessness. .. In the future I stick to a plan of action that will be my focus , doing the next right thing , trusting in where God leads me , and not where I think I should be , which only leads to disappointment and discontented.. I'M EXACTLY WHERE I'M SUPPOSE TO BE , TRUST IN LORDS PLAN FOR HIS WILL NOT MINE ... HE IS IN CHARGE , AND WHEN I LOOK TO BE IN CHARGE, REMEMBER IT ONLY LEADS TO A PATH OF DESTRUCTION DISCONTENTMENT AND DISSAPOINTMENT..
LEARNING TO BE COMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN AND LOVING MYSELF IS BECOMING MY GREATEST LRSSON!!!!

Rock3 (Thursday, 11 January 2018 08:54)

Forgiving another , when done right is giving up your right to inflict pain or hurt the other person for hurting you.. I would be lying if I told you that my first reaction isn't to get even and hurt the person the same if not worse... but it is something I'm focused on and working on.. it is much better to let go of that anger and resentment for it can only destroy u, eating away at any peace you seek... WORK IN PROGRESS , FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOUR INNER PEACE... THOUGHTS COMMENTS LIKE TO HEAR FROM YOU?

Rock3 (Thursday, 11 January 2018 08:42)

Struggling today with FORGIVENESS, Forgiving myself and others... it seems that I can forgive my actions in the past relieving me of the pain of the guilt and shame it caused...
I read that God forgets and his Love is so strong it's unconditional... But my conditions for myself are hard to forget. What haunts me is the time lost. Why today do I see clearly the errors of my behaviors, and before was so confused and lost in my addiction. . I actually am angered with the thought of WHY ME?
Struggling with forgiving myself for wasted time..
Forgiving others is also hard ,, but why stay stuck in that misery , only taking unneeded space and energy ....
Forgiveness is for your inner peace and serenity...

Rock3 (Tuesday, 09 January 2018 10:22)

What up,, great day to be sober!.... obsessive thoughts the damage they can do..
I'm my addiction the thoughts were so overwhelming, it was like I was crawling out of my own skin... The bottle was my only relief....
Today power of positive thinking I practice.. The mind cannot hold two thoughts at the same time... replace the negative thought with a positive one, continue this behavior. .. Change your thoughts it changes your attitudes and perceptions. ... YOU CANNOT CHANGE WITHOUT CHANGING YOUR THINKING! Cast that negative thought aside and focus on the solution.... Plant the seeds of positive thoughts within your mind .and then it will continue to grow and change your world aroud you.... comments concerns like to hear your thoughts...

Rock3 (Monday, 08 January 2018 14:41)

Just a thought for today,, making it possible for GOD to send you the answers...
By verbalizing your deepest thoughts and feelings, you take them out of the realm of intangible into the realm where material and intangible meet.. You begin to actually change the routes your thoughts usually take, and charter new territory.. You also make space inside to listen to that still, small voice.. You'll have made space to hear the answers GOD sends you ... You and the creator are the co-therapists, the co problem solvers, co life changers.. - C.R. ZWOLINSKI...

Rock3 (Thursday, 04 January 2018 10:49)

What up .. People... patience a skill i struggle with... in the past when attempting to get sober.. patience always fueled the fire....
Immediately when I got sober, , I wanted forgiveness. happiness , peace, house , money all these things right away... but in reality it took 33 years of drinking to get to this point...
ONE DAY AT A TIME, OH HOW I HATED THAT SAYING.... BUT TODAY IS THE WAY I APPROACH LIFE. .. TODAY I STAY SOBER. Just for today, concentrate on doing the right thing today.... patience I pray for ., for GOD to grant me this gift.. have faith in GOD'S plan for me and let him guide me through the day... if I continue to do the things in recovery and stay close with my communication with GOD he will reveal my purpose and place the people in my life to achieve my goals...
Today I do not have material things, they have been taken from me for A reason...
To humble myself, to realize what being grateful really is... Thanking God for all I do have ....
The serenity and peace that I am enjoying today one day at a time ,,, is worth all the wordly possessions. .. slow down and realize the beauty around you.. You can only take your relationship with GOD in the end no cars, no money , no house, .. but state of mind... learning patience being content for today and trusting the Lord's direction ... will give you that peace of mind we all seek!
LIKE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS PEOPLE, GET INVOLVED......

Rock3 (Wednesday, 03 January 2018 06:44)

Good morning, in recovery it's said to get rid of your toxic relationships... now that I have, AA could of not been more right!!!,
If you do not break free of those chains that bound you to addiction, you will not allow yourself to grow as a person.. time alone with yourself is crucial.... allowing yourself to focus on your needs in recovery can make all the difference..
Developing that relationship with god needs to be the number one priority..
In my addiction I hated myself . I looked for self assurance through my partner bcause I had no idea what loving myself was...
Today I focus on myself.,not needing the approval of a partner , gainining confidence in who i am, and want to become .... no distractions from a partner that is only trying to fill her self-serving purpose...
Focusing on myself and putting an end to people pleasing.. has giving me the strength to enjoy who I am., develop a relationship with god. And begin developing healthy relationships, with others...
Cut loose of those toxic relationships and dare to care about yourself!!! Any Questions comments love to hear from you....

Rock3 (Monday, 01 January 2018 07:31)

Change, a New Year..
recovery change is what its all about. Having the courage to be different.. Set an example by actions... Doing the right thing even when nobody is looking..
Areas I must focus on coming on to the New year...
Working on mending relationships , that I allowed my addiction to compromise.. The progression of my disease took me so far that I hurt people I loved dear to my heart. Today I i will not let anyone dictate my actions..

Rock3 (Sunday, 31 December 2017 09:00)

There was a time I believed I could enjoy nothing sober.... the hole I dug was that deep.... it took hiiting rock bottom, to even develop the courage to make a change. I believed God intervened giving me harsh consequences, to lead to a path of healthy living....
I am grateful today for that experience losing all material things , for if not would still be heading down a road of self-destruction....
I have grown spirtually, emotionally ,and physically...
Gratitude plays a big role in my recovery... In my addiction i took everything for granted, never appreciating anything.... every morning now I thank God for what i do have.. ,and where God will lead me in life... looking forward to a sober new year... and to make a difference by example.... actions makes the difference. .. trust in the lord and he will provide what u need , not what you think you want...

Rock3 (Sunday, 31 December 2017 07:09)

Start of a New Year, developing a relationship with god, prayer, healthy relationships, and progressing as a productive member of society will become my focus...

Rock3 (Sunday, 31 December 2017 07:03)

Then I called a friend in the program.. told on myself about my desire to drink... discussed the issue then the thought became minor and then gone..
Having positive thoughts and positive actions can make all the difference remaining sober. . ANY COMMENTS, LIKJE TO HEAR FROM YOU....

Rock3 (Thursday, 28 December 2017 18:26)

Developing a relationship with God and prayer for his will not ours has been a huge coping skill for me today..
Developing healthy sober relationships has also been a great tool.... YOU CANNOT DO THIS ALL ALONE!.. TIME AND TIME AGAIN I HAVE REPEATED THAT PATTERN AND ONLY WOKE UP FROM ANOTHER BLACKOUT, SURROUNDED BY LIQUOR BOTTLES AND GULIT AND SHAME!!....
I'm sharing this bc recently I have had cravings, , in the past I would of have giving in to my demons...
But today my first instinct was that of prayer... I PRAYED FOR GOD TO LIFT THE OBSSESION, AND LET IT BE A FLEETING THOUGHT... . IMMEDIATELEY A THOUGHT CAME IN TO MY MIND....
what purpose would acting on my craving serve, but pain, sorrow, and tears. It would solve nothing.... but damage me and everyone around me... step one battling the obsession. ...

Rock3 (Tuesday, 26 December 2017 07:37)

I welcome new experiences and people in my life... for you cannot take on addiction by yourself.. dare to change, dare to challenge yourself in search of a better you! Like to hear what u have to say , join this struggle and make a difference too!

Rock3 (Tuesday, 26 December 2017 07:31)

Good morning, let's hear some thoughts from our followers!. Today I wake up to God, prayer, and joy of life.. Today is s new day Sober, what can I do for others in the struggle and what is my focus for today...
Always maintaining positive thoughts , and attitudes .... pushing negative to the side....
Each day I pray god puts people in my path to serve, and to learn from, give me direction to serve his purpose he had for me.. trust in the lord and peace and serenity will follow... Tasks, and siutuations that use to bafflebus no longer seem like the end of the world. ..

Today I'm not living in fear of life , looking forward to the new doors im excited to open

Rock3 (Monday, 25 December 2017 07:27)

A Christmas sober and not toxic, been a long time waiting..... In my addiction i allowed people in my life , and to be treated unfairly... bc of the guilt and shame of my addiction I was a slave to my disease.. settling for less, believing I deserved less , tolerating behavior I knew was absolutely wrong. In fear of rejection , acceptance of others, and validating my self worth as through another eyes hanging on to maybe a glimpse of loyalty, and love... when in turn that ibdiviual was only for self serving purposes.. exposing my addiction and using it as tool for thier own benefit.. i could not see cleary in my addiction, I'm turn losing myself to another's idea how I should act, think , behave, and become...
You become controlled by addiction and lose yourself in the procees...
Today I've found myself , I love myself, no longer controlled by the disease , or a person , God is now I'm control and he's love is free ,,, not at a cost. ....
Questions or comments if you can relate??

Rock3 (Sunday, 24 December 2017 05:55)

God sends people out of your life and into your life.. I've learned to let go let god, there is a reason for people leaving you , and opening new doors for you.... embrace the Change bc God has sent these people away or introduced to someone new for a reason,
Relationships can be triggers , but place your trust in God for his plan for you, and you will handle stiuations you thought never possible...
Once I broke away from my toxic relationship, God opened new doors .. God revealed to me my purpose and what i need to do to maintain sobriety. .. developing support and true frienships he is putting these people in my life..... but hanging on to your past servess no purpose .. pray for forgiveness and forgiveness of others ..
Love your neighbor and it will set you free..
Resentments will only keep you in the grasp of addiction... let God carry these burdens.... trust in his plan for you...
Today I approach life with a new attitude, thoughts and perspective.. I thank God for his blessings and grateful for his unconditional love...
Just some thoughts of mine today.
Questions , Comments..????

Rock3 (Wednesday, 20 December 2017 21:22)

I'm the last couple of days I have had overwhelming cravings, to do drugs and drink alcohol... one day I was especially down and sad, letting negative feelings take control..
But this time , I followed the direction of God, and people in the program.. My first instinct before learning coping skills was that I woul drink and drown the sorrows away...
Today i have used the power of positive thinking, turning my life , over to god and developing relationships with people in the AA program..
My first instinct was that of prayer, I got down on my knees and prayed for God to remove this cravings, then quickly picked up the phone and called a friend in the program.... a task I never thought possible.. The friend pick up and help me through the day.... If you follow direction good things will come....
I also asked myself WHAT GOOD CAN COME FROM DRINKING. OVER AND OVER I REPEAT THIS TO MY SELF, TRAINING MY BRAIN on THE DANGER AND DAMAGE DRINKING HAS CAUSED IN MY LIFE.... !!!
IT WAS ENOUGH TO FINALLY BUT THE CRAVING TO REST....
I finally put my trust in God , followed direction, and the power of positive thinking to work.... PRAISE BE TO GOD! I wanted to share this positive experience in my life with others and to let others know this program works....
Be open minded, honest., and willing to do what it takes , can alter your life ...
I am grateful for god, and the people he has put in my life bc I cannot do this alone.... forward to questions or comments. ....

Rock3 (Friday, 15 December 2017 14:49)

That is great to hear T- man... substituting a drug for another drug ...DOES NOT WORK...... That is an example of distorted thinking... wanting to be high no matter what substance you use creates the same despair and hopelessness. For me its are thoughts , attitude, and perception that needs to be changed.. drugs r only a symptom ofa greater underlining problem...

T-Man (Thursday, 14 December 2017 08:55)

I've been recovering from addiction since March 5th 1995. That was the day I sobered up. Even though I've remained sober since I have struggled with prescribed Opiates and marijuana. I have severe nerve damage in my cervical spine that ended up that I lost most of the function in my dominant hand and amputation of my index finger. Throughout it all I was prescribed Loratab and Oxymorphone for the pain. Over the 2.5 years I was on these I became addicted and needed more and more to stay satisfied. I should have known better!! I started working in a J every evening just to top it off about a year into my new addiction. It changed who I was and I ended up being that person I never wanted to be. It affected my whole life and I knew I needed to stop. I stopped the Opiates in 2014, The withdraw was hell, but continued to smoke marijuana and that was more and more as well. Over time I couldn't get high enough. I was depressed, unemployed, my wife left me and I found myself alone. I knew I had to go another way and that this was not the person that I wanted to be any longer. I asked God for help and to help me get back to my AA roots. One day at a time is how I live again now. I have been chem free now for almost 6 months. The Lord blessed me with great friends. An Army buddy got me back in my industry and has encouraged me to get off my ass. I'm thankful for him!! I have a good job that I started a month ago, I get along better with my family and my eyes are white. I pray every morning for God to help me stay clean. Today is a great day. Recovery for me is a daily struggle but my psychiatrist at the VA helps me so much and prayer. I knew I needed help just like in 1995. so hard to ask sometimes though. I encourage everyone to ask.

Counselor (Tuesday, 12 December 2017 09:13)

This is one area I would love to teach on. There is a spiritual side where the demons invade and it's quite basic. We have three things we battle, the World the Flesh and Satan. The world is the external the flesh is the internal. With the world and the flesh we battle the lust of the eye, the lust of the Flesh and the pride of life. The same battle that Eve had in the garden. We battle Satan and we don't even know it. As Believers we should win more battles than we lose but because we don't understand the battle or the lay of the land we lose. It's been something I've been researching lately and I'm really excited about it! When it comes to the world and the flesh addiction is right there on top! So you see we're not any different than Eve and we all have a resource, Jesus Christ, to look to too win our battle for us. In fact the battle's already won. We just don't know it or we just don't trust it.

Rock3 (Tuesday, 12 December 2017 08:27)

Lonely place to be...
Sick and tired of being sick and tired,, i was so tired of hearing that. .. but that was my addiction talking never letting me see the light...!! Ironically being sick and tired is what lead me to God.. my life was so unmangeable that I had nowhere to turn.. God and developing relationship with others became the answer.. .. keeping an openmind , becoming willing , and honest with yourself became my path to take... willing to do whatever it takes for sobriety. ,, it comes down to simply how much you want it. .... then be willing to follow direction bc i cannot do this on my own...!!
Thank you Matt for your story.. it will help others, it's good for all that struggle with this disease to know you not that much different.. you just have to sort out the negative in your life,, (the toxic relationships, and behaviors) and focus relentlessly on positive thoughts , for thought dictate your attitude towards change and you perspective towards life. Work on recovery as if you were searching for your next high... it's just simply flipping the script!! Forward to questions comments ,, like to hear more stories , have the courage to share ... YOU COULD SAVE A LIFE!!!!!

Rock3 (Tuesday, 12 December 2017 07:53)

Thanks Matt w. ,, your story is also inspirational.... The cliches usecto drive me crazy. I thought all of it was A joke... One day at a time... oh that use to irritate me.. how do these fools live like that,,, I THOUGHT...
I was too busy stuck in the guilt and shame of the past and fear and worry of the future which fueled my addiction for spooo long.... Actually it was my biggest excuse to use,,, justify the loser I become...
WORKS IF U YOU WORK IT..... ugh please shut up!!! But that was my fear lying within , I did not have the courage to change ,, inadequacy, fear, and worry , cosumrd my life, and thats how I approached my everyday affairs... what a low, lonely

Matt W (Tuesday, 12 December 2017 00:40)

I cannot even put into words how truly amazing it is to hear you share your story with your new outlook on life and recovery. It is so wonderful and you truly are living proof of the miracle that God provides through one addict being open and honest with another. I onow when I first considered getting clean and attempting recovery, I felt like all the clichès and stuff I had heard from 12 step meetings were all so corny. I thought I would never have any fun again in my life if I couldn’t get high anymore. I grew up around recovery programs with parents and family friends that are addicts. I saw very closely the pain and despair caused by addiction but it still didn’t stop me. I also saw how someone who put their spirituality and recovery first could truly turn their life around and I still was so sceptical when I attempted to get clean. The first time I ever went to a meeting that I actually chose to go to on my own, I almost walked out before it even began. I was a “younger” white kid from the suburbs in a 12 step meeting in Reading, PA and I was the only white guy in the room. I was going through withdrawals and my addiction jumped all over me telling me to leave because i didn’t fit in and these people probably didn’t even want me there because I was white. I had no readon to feel that way. Complete strangers had said hi and welcomed me but that did not matter. As I stood to leave just before the meeting started, the old guy next to me started talking to me gave me a hug out of nowhere and started talking to me. After a short chat, this stranger asked me to just try to stay through the meeting thats it. Well i did stay and a few months later that same guy became my sponsor. I know without a doubt that my higher power spoke to me through my future sponsor that day. Like ROCK3 mentioned earlier, getting involved was probably one of the biggest things that helped me through my first year that was my toughest year. I was blessed enough to chair a 12 step meeting at a juvenile male rehab every week and being able to share my story and have children relate to what I was sharing and tell me how helpful it was is a feeling I will never forget. It was almost overwhelming how good it felt to know that just by being honest and open about my past experiences and sharing my strength and hope with another addict, I could help someone struggling with their addiction. Anyway, I just wanted to share a little of my story and also give support and thank ROCK for being so open and honest with sharing his. You truly are an inspiration. I pray that you stay on this path and God continues to bless you with the ability to follow his will for you! I believe you def have a purpose and amazing gift to share your story and help so many others out there who are still struggling!

Epidemic (Saturday, 09 December 2017 12:20)

Destroying all in my path ,,, true acts of love??? Never caring. loving , concerned genuinly, for anyone.. consumed by the thought ,,, I must get high even to deal with self one more day.... its,a,selfish act to even engage ina relationship while in active addiction.. self satisfying needs is the only requirement for the addicts idea of love.. the thinking is the exact opposite of love .. how can u love , when you don't even respect yourself enough, to be healthy, and of sound mind.. you cannot begin to love., if you have no love for who u are. ... it only creates toxic bonds designed to destroy!!!!! CAN U RELATE.... ??? Like to hear from Y0U...

Epidemic (Saturday, 09 December 2017 11:50)

Toxic , I call thiz..... love , I only know love of a high, a drug , to forget ,, was my only meaning of love... Relationship (what can u do for me) my definition of love.. ?. The bottle ,, now that's love go to any length for you, travel afar, steal for you, lie for you, break promises for you, miss work for you, isolate people I love, for you... I do anything for you ,,, That sweet nectar running down my throat , that true love.. .. what make time for you girlfriend , wife, family, friends.. Hold on a sec. I need to to drink first , to have the courage to even be interested in your day.... What do u mean you already told me this, too drunk too care or remember. ... but remember 100s of ways to the state store..
Why even tell anyone I love them.... for u only love the bottle and me.. , loving me is the act of drinking.. .. taking advantage of others is my expression of love. . How much can I make you hurt,, for your too hurt like me..

Rock3 (Saturday, 09 December 2017 09:57)

Life was just a joke to me ... I believed I would die before I was 30,, and was doing everything possible to make sure that happened. .. the only thing I took pride in was how much I could drink , how much drugs I could consume , and how crazy I could make the night before.... I was ok at this point in my life that I was a drunk .. nobody could drink like me... distorted thinking once plaguing me again... Pattern
throughout my life...
Today is not like that for me, thanks to god intervening and making the consequences so great that I had no elsewhere to turn.. God is in control today , I pray everyday, and he guides me , and will reveal his purpose to me... for example this blog ... I believe God is speaking through me ,, even if it means to save just one life... i am determined today to make a difference, and love who i am becoming and that was all made possible through the grace of God..
I finally moved out of animal house, and moved in with this girl... the start of how my alcoholism would affect every relationship I ever had... .. forward to questions or comments... ??

Rock3 (Friday, 08 December 2017 15:08)

Life,was just one big party. .. then I got laid off , so now it was all I did was party.. i i i started doing mor e cocaine, and other drugs..

Rock3 (Friday, 08 December 2017 06:46)

After college I moved home and got a dead-end job headed no where.. .. I just turned 21 so i didn't care it was time to party and get drunk living the bar scene... I reaquaintecd with some old friends and moved in with 4 other guys... if you ever saw the movie Animal House thats clearly what it was... 24 hours of partying round clock.... Every morning I went to work high... at the time I believed this made me a better worker, distorted thinking which I experience throughout my life.... other friends were graduating college and starting thier career... I was making mknium wage,,, headed down a path of self- destruction..

Eli West (Wednesday, 06 December 2017 05:28)

Good morning here and God bless you all

Rock3 (Wednesday, 06 December 2017 05:12)

What up Scott, developing relationships with other addicts that understand my story and listen without judgement has been crucial to my recovery!! Second to learning how to talk to god , and trust in his purpose for me..
I'm happy for you that your journey towards recovery is becoming clear to you.. i understand the rollercoaster ride we addicts go through. .. honestly i believe it is a lifetime struggle... the disease will be waiting to attack at our weakest, or strongest moments in life.... I believe in practicing the tools we learned everyday remaining openminded, willing, honest with self, grateful, ,and continue to grow with god and the disease will be CONQUERED! !! ..... . We need each other,, and forums like this t to always keep the the misery of addiction fresh.... Move on, forgive oneself., but never forget..... God will continue to work wonders in our life Scott as long as we stay the course. .... Hope is in abundance today In my life ,, comitted to spreading that joy to others... QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, forward here ,,, your input could help save a life!!! Participate in recovery. . Experience the joy in serving others!!!!

Scott Adam (Tuesday, 05 December 2017 20:21)

You are correct Rock, I do need to connect and find other addict's like myself that understand and will listen because it will benefit me and you. Once again I am heading In the right direction. My life is definitely not as dark as you might think, trying to convey my texts in way that you and others may truly feel the struggles we face regularly. The roller coaster is gradually staring to flatten out and cruising smoother in the last couple weeks. God has put tools back in my life like this Blog to heal my soul and another weapon to win another battle. I will pray that He continues to work in all our live as we continue to do the next right thing so we my honor Him and live for Jesus.

Epidemic (Tuesday, 05 December 2017 11:46)

I call thiz blackout, ,..... I open my eyes dazed and confused, where am I ask myself..
The room is not familiar, the car I'm in no recollection, the bench I lay my head on , oh how it hurts. ., the woods I wake up in , don't know the direction back , the streets I run no longer look familiar. . I say a Fox-hole pray for i only turn to god when I'm in trouble, no relationship at all with my maker.. only ask what have you done for me lately. .. woke up in a panic , oh what have I done , who did u offend, who did i let down, embarrassed of my ways, i look to my left to my right and front and behind , tell me liquor I didn't drink u all... I need to drink - up , for knowing is all too much pain to bear.. drowning the sorrow and tears is the only way I know.. life is too hard to face sober... i want to go numb, feel no more.. .. self- destruction is the only path, hopefully it leads to my demise a dead-end ... no reason to live, my failures overwhelm me with guilt and shame, regrets of the past control my decisions in the present, thier is no escape.. Please let this be the last sip that takes me from this cruel world ,, the only prayer I know ,,, the demon awaits to take my life , claiming another victim... . Laughing in high pitched shriek that deafens the ears ... as the world around me goes black!! ANYONE FEELS THIS PAIN... your not alone. ,,,

Rock3 (Tuesday, 05 December 2017 10:59)

Your welcome , Eli.. keep praying your headed in the right direction. . I'll be praying for you also..

Eli West (Tuesday, 05 December 2017 09:02)

Amen...Thank you Rock3

Rock3 (Tuesday, 05 December 2017 07:06)

Hey Scott never think you r alone in this struggle.... I suffer from an underlining cause depression and anxiety treated by
By medication also...
I believe for the healing proceess to begin . You must develop healthy relationships with other addicts that feel, and relate to your pain. .. the public is no help in that regard... I agree with that.. a addict helps another addict is the only the way for me... developing a relationship with a higher power is the greatest tool we have in our tool box..
I attend meetings, have a sponsor, and home group, make coffee .. started to get involved more.... .. . I find having this in my life is a constant reminder of my dark past and where i can go no more.... get active in recovery .. and i feel u wont slip back into your old ways that is what works for me..
Scot make a list , ( when feeling dowm) of ten things you are grateful for... look atbit every morning.. maybe this will help with attitude throughout the day. .

Do not concern yourself with others shortcomings,, if you r frustrated by actions of others.. stopn, slowdown, and ask yourself why? Most of the time the problem lies within you may be guilty of the same behavior. . Remain focused on yourself. Everything else will fall in place. . Judge not others remsin compassinate and understanding I find this works for me , when I find myself dwelling on negative thoughts ..

Pray longer and harder and seek help when feeling down.. do not isolate those feears .... I find talking about it does wonders fort he soul.. It lifts the burden of you cartying it alone...... HELP I S ALWAYS HERE,, feel free to forward any questions or concerns..

Rock3 (Tuesday, 05 December 2017 06:22)

Hello Eli, quite a story... your already a strong womam,,, your trials in life have seem to that.. surviving the death of your parents at such a young age is a task you should turn over to god.. God does not promise a perfect life, hardships will always be a part of life.
I feel it's your perspective, and attitude that will determine how you handle life's many problems. .. God allows times of difficulties in your life ,, to. learn, grow, and become a stronger person.. living your life for him being and example for him will allow his Love in your life, for there is none greater. You your alive for a reason , and that is to be testimony for god,, l believe to help others with similiar experience you have had ... embrace the hatdships you endured , bc it's all about, the plan for god has in-store for you.. focus on the positive of every situation you find yourself in..
It's about perspective and attitude and trust in the lord... pray to forgive yourself and others that have caused you harm.. love everyone no matter who they r.. you will find an inner peace when you strengthen your personal relationship with god . He will direct towards the lightt..

I pray that u that u Eli , will see the strength and courage you have within. Use this gift for the glory of god... stay in the fight and trust in his purpose for you...
AMEN...... FORWARD .TO QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS....

.

Eli West (Tuesday, 05 December 2017 01:50)

Absolutely Yes Rock3 your story is so touching and carries deep feeling and thought

Eli West (Tuesday, 05 December 2017 00:56)

Your words are inspiring Epidmec, My life has been a rough and crazy one ever since i was little lost my both parent in an auto car accident at the age of 6 ... ever since then have been living with my aunt in Tennessee..it took the grace of God for me to escape prostitution and becoming drug addict , l lived in a room occupied by 6girls not went to college all involve in dirty job or the other .. l'm glad l found my ex who help me through my rough time in Tennessee his now in Australia (R.I.P) life has bring sorrow and pain in my life ever since the death of my ex, 4 girls died but i give God the grace that am alive today and am living with my sick Uncle now in Georgia ...LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER THE SITUATION YOU FIND YOURSELF THANK GOD FOR WHAT YOU CAN'T BY BREATH

Eli West (Monday, 04 December 2017 22:20)

Hi Rock3!

Epidimec (Monday, 04 December 2017 21:51)

A couple thoughts of how an addict feels.,at the deepest level of despair and hopelessness...
I'm surrounded by darkness, no light is to be found... don know whether to walk ,talk, run, stand still, confusion is the game it playz..... consuming your every move, constant worry, fear, lies, deceit, grab a hold of your every thought... how will i escape this pain for u know no other path to live.. the pain so great I'm a slave to its every command.. .. the evil is calling ,,, for it preys upon the weak... devouring the soul of everyone that encounter its path.. .... . Destroying any happines, goals, desires, dreans anyone may have.... it laughs louder and louder till the sound off it is maddening driving you to your friend in disguise ( drug of choice) that seduces and promises you the world, , , but only it is a demon tightening his grip each day it brings moresorrow ,pain and tears. . The point insanity arrives. I feel thier is no escape, , my life no more matters , nor does anyone care.. my conscience cease to exist , ,, making it easier easier to suffocate, thoughts of death clog the mind .. hoplessness has taking over to the point of no return ...has become my fate... .... more to come... I know it's deep, but you could be in that position a I write... that once was me.. but today hope surrounds me and my family.. it never too late, ...
To beat this disease. .. forward to guestions ,or concerns.....

Puala Sublet (Monday, 04 December 2017 20:28)

Awesome!!!!! You are always thinking of ways to make people feel good. The world needs more folks like you. Keep it going my friend

Scott Adam (Monday, 04 December 2017 19:14)

Hey Rock. Your public doesn't know where to always start with our issues we share as knuckleheads. I have been seen a Doc.since my last rehab visit to Retreat in Lancaster 5 month ago. Medication is to boost serotonin and dopamine for anxiety and depression. Also I am doing some therapy for family, addiction, work, and also old, old child drama and abuse. You have opened my mind and give me a lot of hope one again I am not alone with the awful feelings and thoughts. Christ has been my Savior forever and totally surrendered all for the first time in 2002 when I was arrested for back to back DUI's and basically gave it all up to Jesus. When I thought I gave it all He once again took more. Spirituality, emotionally, physically I was in the best shape of my 40 year old life. So how did I end back hear again? Which is not a real bad place to be with God. Of course I have been here many, many times. But I just don't feel the fire that once had burned inside my soul with awesome heat. Politics at church have deeply saddened me, judgemental and hypocritical staff and believers living for themselves. Causing my loving Mom and other of my supportive loving friends that knew my heart and witnessed me once again fighting this demon we know well as addicts when we are down he strikes harder. Today I feel very hopeful and God is guiding me.

Rock3 (Monday, 04 December 2017 13:49)

Hey community.. just wondering if there are any questions , or do u relate to my
Story? Because thier is hope , on the other side of the coin.
When I starting trusting in God and others. Listening to advice and following direction, my attitude, my selfworth, gratitude, changed my outlook on life.. developing heathly relationships with people was one of my greatest fear, now today I seek it out... because I no longer fear who i am , and realize God's purpose for me I am an example for him, to live my life to serve him. And recieve his unconditional love.. there is no greater feeling than that,, to have all worries to lifted , to know in your heart God is your salvation
And I can have the courage, the commitment, the consistency ( 3 C's I practice today) to become a productive member of society.


.

Rock3 (Monday, 04 December 2017 11:06)

But at the time I never even considered change. .. figure this is who u am , i was born an addict before even picking up... For drugging is only symptom underlining emotional , mental , pain that existed even before the first drug I picked up.. I was in no condition to deal with that pain.. So self- medication was the answer to all my promblems ( in reality it was worse, digging the hole deeper and deeper...).. My reality was to forget reality , how twisted addiction is,, it does not discrimate not care who u are just as long as it claims another victim! At the end of the college year i was already ineligible to play soccer next year .. Addiction had done it's job once again, , did i care.? Not at all for my mental state was soo distorted and delusional it has no impact on me... The next semester I only needed 2.0 to stay in college, I got 0.8 success again. I failed again , only validating the failure and loser I become ... in turn it justified my drug use... and that's all I needed to be happy with my addiction... that simple... now to on to the work world with no real skills, or education. .. That should surely boost my self-esteem... to be continued.......

Rock3 (Monday, 04 December 2017 07:17)

Whats up, community, at the start of my college career I already knew it was over before I got there.. but why not play soccer and party, for ever how long the university lets me.. My attitude was poor just in search of fun and the next drug or drink I could put in my system. I rarely went to class, always to hungover.. slept till 4 or six everyday and repeated the cycle everyday... the only classes I attended was psychology course , which I did well in, .. Always fascinated with how the mind works and feelings,and emotion on why and how we experience them... I was truly lost in college. I was the drink on campus, always out of control at parties, and experienced lots of blackouts.. Blackouts became more and more frequent... lots of time i would wake up in unfamiliar places.. I experienced alotvof guilt and shame bc I could never remember what i did the night before..

And it always invoked me embarassing myself... But who cares I was just going to to drink each day away, ,, that ensured I didn't have to thinkabout failing all classes , and the loser I was... I never felt right about blowing off college and ruining I
An opportunity some never get... I knew i was rotten, everything I did was about mecand feeding my addiction.. i

Counselor (Saturday, 02 December 2017 23:49)

Keep it coming ROCK3. The thing that impacted me the most was this line.... Turning my will over to him has eased the anxiety, tears and worries I once had.

I wish I could give that kind if peace away to everyone. But as you know.... You had to find it on your own. No one can give it to you..... No one can take it away either!!

Rock3 (Saturday, 02 December 2017 12:28)

The emotional and physical pain was finally too much to bear... I decided to go to longterm rehab , and turn my life over to god... I needed long term to develop a relationship with god, and to find out who u was without The influence of drugs or alcohol... I believe until you know who you are ,,, gods purpose for you Wil not becrevealed... I'm doing the work today, God is speaking to me and through others , I choose to be different today.. Turning my will over to him has eased the anxiety, tears and worries I once had.
.. God will not lead me astray ... He is now in charge of my life, all I need to do is be open minded, willing , and trust in the Lord's purpose for me.... any questions always available, life story to be continued..

Rock3 (Saturday, 02 December 2017 11:44)

Oops , sorry, if my addiction i was hospitalized 8 times due to withdraw the obsession to drink was overwhelming, the physical aspect was also taking its toll.. The progression was so bad that I believe ivwas legally insane, my mind did not function correctly.. I lived to drink passout, blackout , wake up, and grab the many bottles I had next to me and drink again, to make the pain disappear.... I finally hit rock bottom .. ( but I'll leave that til later in my story). PURE INSANITY, ... I was tired of being sick and tired...

Rock3 (Friday, 01 December 2017 21:24)

I lived all my life like that.. anxiety ,fear, hoplessness ruled my life .. I never felt worthy of sucees. . I had several jobs after the state I could of cares less about them , all of them i was a no-call No-show.. I only cared about my next drink ,when I waznt drinking I was thinking of drinking.. .. the last year of myaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Rock3 (Friday, 01 December 2017 19:00)

Hey Scott, i was just like you, fear of sucees easier to drown in self-pity than do the work. I had several jobs on the last 3 years.. I retired from the state bc of attendance issues due tobdrinking.. That was irresponsible it was a job snyonecin the right state of mind would be grateful for.. Not me ,, alcohol was the only thing hi showed gratitude for... The drinking really progressed after leaving the state. .. For i had
truly confirmed that i was doomed to be a loser for life... I no longer cared about myself, i had no conscience or remorse the bottle was my only friend... I know all about anxiety and fear

Counselor (Friday, 01 December 2017 08:39)

ROCK3- Great testimony! I love how honest you are about what was going on inside your head. I can't wait to read more!

Counselor (Friday, 01 December 2017 08:36)

Scott Adam, Have you ever seen a Dr. to rule out a physiological problem first? I'm referring to your description of your mind running. If so, then there are simple breathing exercises you can do to calm yourself down in times of panic. Dr. Phil has an awesome quote, "We don't respond to what happens in life. We respond to WHAT WE SAY TO OURSELVES about what happens in life."

Most of what we experience is from INSIDE our thinking. I would ask you....what are you thinking about? Luke 6:45b says it like this...."Out of the heart the mouth speaks."

If you have been an addict, if you have lost your way and can't escape the tapes that play all the awful things you think about, there is hope! Keep reading ROCK3's testimony and listen to how he did it.
He first admitted he was not able to do it on his own, " I was still in charge run on self- will.. ( we all know where that leads)", he recognized his distorted thinking, "distorted thinking had already taken over in my life at a young age.", he decided to let go and let God reign in his life, "i found God, that was the turning point for me.. realizing I can't do it on my own.. I surrender my will to God, and pray and look to him for guidance everyday.. I think once you find who u are.. God will reveal his purpose for you!", and God has certainly revealed at least one purpose for him.....To share his story to help all of us!

Continue to read Scott Adam!! I'll be praying for you!

Scott Adam (Thursday, 30 November 2017 19:25)

Finding my purpose is one of my biggest struggles at the age of 50. I embarrassed to say how many jobs I have had since graduating high-school. I don't think I have what it takes to be successful. It has always been easy to get good jobs but can't keep them. Finally I am realizing that it must be my fault that I lose good and bad jobs. I do make mistakes, but my that is not the sole reason with my employment problems. My old school work morals and ethics makes my anxiety almost feel like I am going to have a heart attack from having to experience working with anything less than myself. I have had employers and supervisors tell me all the time to stop or slow down and I can't. Also I do more in one day than others do in three, than I always feel way underpaid and greatly taken advantage of and disrespected by employers. I often times am always looking for something to slow me down and control my speed of brain and physical work. Anyway...,... Alcohol and prescription drugs have been there to help temporarily for the last maybe 20 plus years I will forward to advice and comments.

Rock3 (Thursday, 30 November 2017 18:16)

Hopelessness... that I truly wanted to recover... I had so many fears especially that I was stupid and had no direction in life.. I opened up about my hate relationship with my parent's. But in reality had no good reason for my actions.. I guess it was the fact that they tried to tell me what to do concerning life.. I wasn't haven't that ,, I knew better then anyyone else i was running the show.. No. one was telling me what to do.

I had alot of guilt for how I treated my parents. ... actually I wanted to be the perfect son but feared the work it would
take to become that. .. it was easier to rebel and drink and drug to forget and ease the emotional pain...

Counselors work with me concerning my outlook towards myself.. started to believe I was not a worthless bum.. but still in the back of my mind why couldn't life come easy to me like so many others, I saw go off to college.. I hated myself for not having the courage to do the work. I'd rather swim in self pjty., party
to forget, and search for endless fun..

I did work on these issues when In rehab ,, I did want to become a productive member of society. . But I'm the back of my mind it was too much pressure I would rather stay drunk and high..

I made amends to my parents during my stay at rehab.. they accepted me back with open arms.. ( did i really deserve forgiveness, how rotten I was, I really could see no good in me)...

I wanted to play soccer in college. So after rehab I took courses to get accepted to kutztown university.. post rehab I stayed sober for a year, but it was to play soccer and I needed to focus to get the grades ... my sobriety was al based on self will didn't turn to god or others or a program. I wAs still in charge run on self- will.. ( we all know where that leads) ... a week before going to college I relapsed, , .. I was headed to college where partying is widespread..How will I ever survive in this environment. . I already knew I was doomed I had no positive thoughts once again, I feared academics, and had no focus or true direction, other then my addiction calling me yet for another run.. off to the college years .. to be continued,,,

Rock3 (Thursday, 30 November 2017 17:35)

Hey, what's up community! We'll at 18 I was headed to rehab in the poconos.. I actually embraced it i did really well in rehab ,, .. I had already experienced so much pain, and low self esteem hopelessnrss

Rock3 (Thursday, 30 November 2017 07:08)

Thank you Raylyn, i found God, that was the was the turning point for me.. realizing I can't do it on my own.. I surrender my will to god, and pray and look to him for guidance everyday.. I think once you find who u are.. God will reveal his purpose for you! More story to continue today....

Raylyn (Thursday, 30 November 2017 06:02)

Thank God for your life, am extremely happy for you. Yes exercise keeps the body and soul healthy, my advice to you is to keep it on and i pray you will never come across any frustration that will make you think of going back to your past. Amen

Rock3 (Wednesday, 29 November 2017 21:05)

What's up , I'd like to share one thing that im grateful for today... I likecto maintain a attitude of gratitude in my everyday affairs. . Also one coping skill i use to stay sober no will do this daily, hopefully these tools you can find usefel if you are struggling with addiction. .

I'm grateful for the opportunity to share my story here at Perhaps Today.. if i make a difference in one person's life ive done my job..

Everyday i exercise. Running, biking , weights , and callestitics, physical activity keeps the mind , body, snd soul healthy.. it relrases the same dopamine ad getting high.. Physical fitness plays,a big role in my recovery today..

Rock3 (Wednesday, 29 November 2017 20:51)

Thanks Scott for your comment, in highschool my addiction had already taken over.. The disease is so cunning , baffling , and powerful, that I thought I actually played sports better under the influence. .. distorted thinking had already taken over in myvlife at a young age... It would follow me throughout my life, making bad choices and affecting, family, friends, and career.. that's the thing about addiction u think , I'm only hurting myself.. but this disease affects everyone... it makes everyone sick not just the addict. .. Help is avaiable for the family right here at Perhaps ministries. .. stayed tuned Scott more of my story to come..

Scott Adam (Wednesday, 29 November 2017 19:53)

Thanks for the story Rock. I loved all sports in high school but anxiety and depression forced kept me on the bleachers to watch my best friend play soccer and my younger brother wrestle. You are the only person I have ever heard talk about doing drugs in the 80's in scholastic sports. You were a bad ass on the field and mat.

Rock3 (Wednesday, 29 November 2017 08:46)

Thanks Eli, I'm praying for you, God Bless..

Eli West (Wednesday, 29 November 2017 03:09)

impressive keep doing the good work. God bless and keep praying

Rock3 (Tuesday, 28 November 2017 23:58)

Thanks ,i will be writing more on thursday.. stay tuned, and FIGHT THE ADDICTION!!

Raylyn (Tuesday, 28 November 2017 23:22)

Interesting story... I will like to read more too see where it leads you too.

Counselor (Tuesday, 28 November 2017 19:53)

Rock3
This is quite a story....I hope you continue to write. I'm interested in where it takes you in life. I believe there are many others out there that can hear THEIR story in yours and find that they are not that different after all and not alone in their struggles.

Rock3 (Tuesday, 28 November 2017 17:09)

Hi, I would like to tell you my story of the pain and suffering, I have endured because of addiction. I was born in reading, PA October, 4 1970 to two loving parents who are still together today. I am the oldest of four children with one brother and two sisters. I am forty-seven years old. My childhood was good and I was always provided with what I needed. My father spent a lot of time with me and taught me a lot about sports, especially baseball. My parents were always good to me, but even at a young age I felt different. I remember going to Charles Foos in Reading PA, which is now closed down. I got bullied and picked on there until fourth grade. Then in fourth grade we moved to Wyomissing PA. It was a rich community, so I tried really hard to fit in and I started acting up in my classrooms. When we made the move to Wyomissing I was almost a year and a half behind in education. I could not keep up with my other classmates, academic wise. This made me feel stupid and worthless and it would began to follow me all my life. I started to act out and I soon became the class clown. I was always in trouble at school. I did not have any respect for the teachers or authorities. I turned to sports to validate myself worth it was the only thing I felt I did well. I started to become more popular, because of sports and always cracking jokes. I became the center of attention, but I still always felt different. I felt like I was alone even in a room filled with people. My parents were very religious, which I call that inherited faith. It only made me rebel worse against religion and authority. I felt as if I was forced to go to church and I could not make choices of my own. I hated choir, wednesday night group, and everything about it. This made me develop a dysfunctional relationship with my parents. I really believed at the time that I hated my parents. I started hanging out with more and more friends. I tried to avoid going home whenever I could and this was all before I reached junior high. At the age of 13 I took my first puff of marijuana. I think automatically my addiction started then, I never felt better. It took away my social fears and my inadequacies that I felt about myself. That day I started a constant search to maintain that high everyday. I smoked before school, during school, and after school. At the age 13 I tried my first beer at the Poconos. Despite getting sick I have now found my new best friend. The start of ninth grade is when the parties began. I only did enough in school to maintain my eligibility in sports. I started as a freshmen in soccer and wrestling, but I was smoking before every game and match. My sports were the only thing I felt I was good at. I felt as if I was failing every other aspect in life. To support my habit we started to steal beer, wine, and liquor bottles from open garages, all over the community. We hide them in the woods, so we never lacked a supply to get high. I would skip school at times to get high, but not a whole lot because I wanted to be eligible for sports. Then I started experimenting with mushrooms, LSD, and cocaine. Even through all of the other drugs, alcohol always remained my drug of choice. All of my high school career I had no true direction. My main purpose was to party, have fun, and to forget about the person I was really becoming. I started having my first blackouts on the weekends that I drank with my friends. I could always drink more than them and I took pride in that. At the time I thought I was cool and drinking at parties was still fun. As it progressed in high school, I started getting in trouble. I was caught at the age of sixteen stealing alcohol from the garages. After this I was put on probation. There my legal problems began. Being in trouble for me was cool, I liked being the rebel. I continued to have legal problems. I had ten underage drinking and five public drunkenness. The only thing I really cared about was sports at the time. In the back of my mind I regretted that I did not dedicate myself to school more, because all I did was party and get high. My grades were bad, so there was no hope of going to college. I started selling weed to support my habit. At the end of my high school career I was arrested for selling marijuana. While everyone else was going to college, I was going to my first rehab. At the age of seventeen I was already feeling worthless, hopeless, with no direction, and feared life. I was already full blown in the grasp of addiction.